Is planning the wedding affecting your relationship?!

Everyone knows that planning a wedding can be stressful. However, not everyone talks about the negative affects it can have on your relationship. Fighting about the details, wanting your fiance to participate more, deadlines approaching; it is easy to get wrapped up in the negative. Not to mention all the family drama that tends to swirl around weddings; everyone has an opinion and that is not always helpful.

So how do you maintain a strong relationship during this stressful time? As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist I always suggest that my clients designate time each week to their relationship. This means putting aside work, wedding, kids, etc. to just spend quality time together. The key is quality, not quantity. Watching a 2 hour movie is spending time together, but it is not connecting you or bringing you closer to your partner.

Every week my husband and I have "Adventure Thursdays". We made a list together of all the places in Louisville that we haven't been to, but want to go (restaurants, museums, miniature golf, etc.) and then every Thursday night we dedicate to doing one of those activities. It is a fun thing to look forward to each week and it helps us get to know our city better. If we can't decide we write down a few of the ideas and put them in a hat to pick from...surprise!

Even if your schedule doesn't allow for an exact date (for example I have a meeting tomorrow night so "Adventure Thursdays" has been moved to Wednesday this week) you can still set aside time to bond with your fiance. Mute your phones, no TV, no wedding talk!

Try it! I guarantee it will help reduce your stress level or at least make it slightly easier to deal with the stress you already have. Plus, it will bring you and your fiance closer together which will make everything better!

Should you hire a wedding day coordinator?! Here's the TRUE story of two brides, one who did and one who did not.

This is the story of two brides, Lindsey and Karen. Lindsey and Karen made all of the exact same choices for their weddings; same place, same vendors, same décor. The only difference is that Lindsey hired a wedding day coordinator and Karen did not. Here is the story of both their wedding days.

12:00pm

Karen arrived at her venue (a historic home and garden) at her scheduled time to start getting ready, but the building wasn’t open. She had to try to call the manager who didn’t pick up the phone. 30 minutes of frustration later, she finally got a call back from the grounds keeper saying he was on his way. She started hair and makeup 45 minutes behind schedule

 Lindsey’s coordinator made sure to double check with the grounds keeper a head of time. Her coordinator was there at 12:00pm to let Lindsey and her bridesmaids in to the building and they started getting ready right away.

1:00pm – The outdoor reception tent was set up by the rental company, but they did not put the linens on the tables (that is their policy).

Karen had two of her bridesmaids go downstairs to put linens on all of the tables. It took them 1 ½ hours because they were not familiar with sizes.

Lindsey had no idea there was an issue with linens. Her coordinator took care of putting all the linens in place on the tables.

2:15pm – The florist arrives

Karen’s florist had to start setup an hour late because some of the tables were still without linens.  The two bridesmaids that had helped were sweaty and annoyed. The rose petals were put on the aisle at this time and were brown by the time the ceremony started.

Lindsey’s centerpieces were set out on time. Her coordinator took the responsibility of sprinkling the rose petals on the aisle 40 minutes before the ceremony so that they wouldn’t brown in the heat.

3:00pm – The caterer arrives and there is confusion about how many bars there will be set up and where they will be located.

Karen is getting her pictures taken with her soon-to-be-husband and they are interrupted by the caterer asking questions about the bar placement. They have to do a walk-thru of the tent again to make sure everything is ok. It takes 20 minutes away from pictures…Plus 2 of her bridesmaids aren’t ready for pictures because they were setting up linens while they were supposed to be getting their hair done.

 Lindsey and her finance are getting their pictures taken. Everyone is ready on time. Her coordinator takes care of the issues with the bar…Lindsey has no idea that there was any confusion.

3:30pm – The band arrives

Karen has to send a groomsman to show them were to set up. Pictures are delayed further and Karen is getting annoyed.

Lindsey continues with pictures while the coordinator shows the band where to set up and gets them water.

5:30pm – guests arrive for outdoor ceremony

Karen wants to be unseen by her guests, but they are confused where to go so when she walks down stairs to make her way to the gardens all of her guests are standing there and they see her in her dress before the ceremony.

The coordinator directs Lindsey’s guests on where to go. The coordinator instructed the groomsman on how to be proper ushers and gave the program attendants there programs and their instructions, letting everyone know where to be when.

6pm – The ceremony starts

Karen’s program attendants did not know where the programs where so over half of the guests did not receive programs. The ushers were also late and not clear on what to do so some guests felt put off by the lack of etiquette. The ceremony did not start until 6:15pm. Karen was very upset because the bridesmaids couldn’t remember what order to stand in so Karen ended up lining them up and telling them when to process down the aisle.

Lindsey’s coordinator made sure all the guests were seated before bringing her and her bridesmaids to the gardens. The coordinator cued the string quartet, lined up the wedding party and cued them when to start walking down the aisle. Everyone was calm because they did not have to remember when to go and what to go…they were instructed by the coordinator.

6:30pm – Cocktail Hour started, Marriage license signed

Karen was overwhelmed and forgot the marriage license. She had to send a family member back to her house to get it. She mingled with guests, but was stressed. Also her bridesmaids struggled to bustle her gown and even though Karen wanted to remove her veil at that time it became too much of a hassle. Hors d’oeuvres were not brought out on time because the caterer did not know when the ceremony had ended. Guests were hungry.

Lindsey’s coordinator had their marriage license ready for them at the end of the ceremony along with two glasses of chilled champagne. While Lindsey sipped champagne and they signed the license the coordinator removed her veil and bustled her gown in a private area where guests could not see her. The coordinator then cued the caterer to pass hors d’oeuvres.

7:15pm Cake cutting inside the historic home

Karen and her husband cut their cake with only a few guests around them. It was confusing to the guests where the cake and the food were. The buffet was not ready so Karen and her husband had to go back outside and wait longer.

Lindsey’s coordinator asked the band to make an announcement that the cake cutting was happening inside. Family and friends watched as the couple cut the cake. The buffet then immediately started and the coordinator brought the couple to the beginning of the line and helped them carry their plates to their table.

8pm – The first dance

Karen had to ask a guest what time it was and then go ask the band to play the first dance song. Unfortunately, her husband was in the restroom and as the song was announced he was not there.

Lindsey and her husband were given a 5-minute warning by their coordinator and used the restroom at that time. When they were finished the coordinator cued the band and Lindsey and her husband had their first dance.

10:45pm – Last Call

Karen realized that while she was having fun dancing there was still a lot to be done before they could leave. Her friends and family helped, but were all a bit tipsy. They had to remove all the linens and set them aside, pick up the garbage from when the bridesmaids were getting ready upstairs, put all the gifts, left over food, favors, and liquor in someone’s car. Also, while helping remove the centerpieces from the table one broke and that was an extra expense for the couple.

Lindsey and her husband jumped in to their limo where and extra plate of food and a cupcake favor were their waiting for them along with another bottle of champagne. While the guests had been having fun the coordinator got the keys to Lindsey’s fathers car and packed it with all the gifts, cake topper, cake server, etc.  Lindsey did not want the left over food so the coordinator brought it to a local food shelter.

11:30pm – People were too drunk to drive home

Karen’s guests drove anyway.

Lindsey’s coordinator called taxis to take home the guests that could not drive.